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Want Inner Peace? Learn to Forgive 想要內(nèi)心平靜嗎,？那么請你學(xué)會寬恕 By Mary Jaksch 撰文： Mary Jaksch 翻譯：Shayne Yeats
要想忘記那些曾今傷害過我們的人幾乎是件難以做到的事,。事實(shí)上,，有的時候是我們太過糾結(jié)于自己的委屈和怨恨,。因?yàn)槟切┳屛覀兏械讲粷M和怨恨的事情能夠反映出我們是如何看待自己的,。 Just think for a moment – do you carry stories of grievances? 想一下---你是不是滿腦子充滿了怨恨,？ I’ve met many people whose lives are completely consumed by their story of neglect or abuse. It may be a story of how their parents or other family member mistreated them, or how a partner or friend betrayed them, or how they fell victim to a crime. 我接觸過許多人,，他們完全生活在遭受忽視或受到虐待的生活中。他們的故事不外乎于遭受到自己的父母或親戚的虐待,，或者是被自己的伙伴或朋友出賣,，亦或是感到自己成為了惡行的犧牲品。 Now this may sound strange, but there is a payoff from carrying grudges. 這也許聽上去有點(diǎn)奇怪,，但是帶著怨恨生活真的會給你帶來不好的結(jié)果,。 The payoff of resentful stories is that we can blame failure or misery on others. We don’t have to take responsibility for what our life is like. And our stories of grievance can also get other people to take our side. Such stories can create a 'them against us’ scenario. Stories about grievances have been told since the beginning of mankind. Like K D Lang’s celebrated song Trail of Broken Hearts. 帶著怨恨生活的后果就是我們會將自己的失敗或苦痛歸咎于他人，我們也會對自己的生活現(xiàn)狀失去責(zé)任心,。而我們滿腹心酸的故事也會獲得別人的同情和支持,。這些往事會創(chuàng)造出一個“他們在跟我們做對”的假象。自有了人類以來,，有關(guān)怨恨的故事就層出不窮,。就如K.D.朗那首耳熟能詳?shù)母枨缎乃橛『邸匪哪菢印?/SPAN> Why should we let go of grievance, and embrace forgiveness? It’s quite simple, really. 為什么我們應(yīng)該丟棄怨恨，擁抱寬??？道理很簡單。
Grievance makes us miserable – forgiveness set us free 怨恨使我們痛苦---而寬恕則能夠讓我們獲得自由
But aren’t some thing just too hard to forgive? Here is the story of Anne Marie Hagan from Canada: 不過,，有些事是不是真的很難就這樣忘記,？這里有一個關(guān)于安娜.瑪麗亞.哈根的故事，她來自加拿大,。
Anna was a 19 year old nursing student when she saw her father brutally murdered by a neighbor who was suffering from schizophrenia. She became completely consumed with anger, bitterness, vengeance, and self-pity: “I was absolutely determined that this man would never, ever regain his freedom. The longer he was locked away, the greater the value of my father’s life.” 當(dāng)安娜還是個19歲的護(hù)理系學(xué)生的時候,，她的父親不幸被患有精神分裂癥的鄰居殘忍地殺害,。她心中充滿了憤怒、悲哀,、仇恨和自憐：“她斬釘截鐵地認(rèn)為這個人將永世不能重獲自由,。他被囚禁的時間越長就越能體現(xiàn)我父親生命的價值?！?STRONG class="label bg2" jQuery1319324933015="83">
And then, 17 years later she saw the perpetrator face-to-face: 后來,，她在十七年后與當(dāng)年的行兇者面對面見了一面：
It was during this meeting, while learning more about him as a human being and the horrendous suffering that he’d endured, that everything changed. “正是在這次會面中，我更多地了解到了他人性的一面以及他所飽受的巨大苦痛,，這徹底地改變了我的觀念,。
She writes that in that meeting, 16 years and 10 months of misery was just wiped away. 她寫道，正是那一次會面,，讓她十六年又十個月的悲傷一下子消失殆盡,。 As he started to cry and said, “I’m to blame, I’m to blame”, I couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed around the table and hugged him, telling him that I forgave him. I remember saying to him, “Blame is too strong a word, blame is too strong a word.” “他開始痛苦流涕地說，“都是我的錯,，都是我的錯”,，我就再也無法忍受下去了，我急忙繞過桌子一把抱住他,，告訴他我已經(jīng)原諒了他,。我記得我當(dāng)時對他說的話是，“責(zé)備解決不了問題,，責(zé)備解決不了問題,。”
Can we learn to forgive? 我們可以學(xué)會寬恕嗎,？ The good news is that we learn to forgive. It’s important to understand that forgiveness isn’t just an act of will. The path to forgiveness is through compassion, and there are a number of steps that make it easier to move towards forgiveness. 好消息就是我們可以學(xué)會原諒他人,。不過，寬恕并不僅僅是一種個人意愿上的行為表現(xiàn),，理解這點(diǎn)非常重要,。通過同情、憐憫就能到達(dá)寬恕,，而且還有還幾個步驟可以幫助你更容易地學(xué)會寬恕,。
Here is what Anne Marie Hagan says: 下面就是安娜.瑪麗亞.哈根所說的話： I could never have imagined that in doing so, I would set myself free. Finally I was able to let go of all the pain and torment that had held me captive, realizing that I’d been my own jailer. My life changed as I began to see the world. “我從來都沒有想到我這樣做會讓自己獲得自由。過去所有的苦痛讓我身陷于倍受煎熬的泥沼中,，而我意識了正是我自己讓我掙扎于不能自拔中,，不過最終我還是學(xué)會了寬恕一切。當(dāng)我開始那樣做了以后,，我的生活就發(fā)生了很大的改變,。 undefined My father’s killer is now 59 years old. He has a job, and he’s working towards a university degree. I admire him for having the strength and the courage to rebuild his life. I visit him regularly. We have talked at length about what happened on that fateful day, and how my forgiving him has changed both our lives. 殺死我父親的兇手現(xiàn)年五十九歲。他有一份工作,，而且他現(xiàn)在還在為一個大學(xué)學(xué)位而努力,。我敬佩他那種為重建人生而體現(xiàn)出的勇氣和毅力,。我常常去拜訪他。我們促膝長談,，聊起了那改變命運(yùn)的一天以及我的原諒對彼此的生活所帶來的變化,。undefined You can see how Anne Marie’s life changed in a wonderful way after she was able to forgive. She could now move forward and throw off the shackles of the past. 你可以看到當(dāng)安娜學(xué)會了寬恕之后她的生活發(fā)生了非常巨大的變化,。她現(xiàn)在可以心平氣和地面對過去的枷鎖,，然后繼續(xù)向前生活。undefined undefined Can we learn to forgive? 我們可以學(xué)會寬恕嗎,？undefined The good news is that we can learn to forgive. But it is not just a single act of will. The pathway to forgiveness is through compassion. Here is what Anne Marie Hagan says: 好消息是我們可以學(xué)會寬恕,。不過這并不僅僅是一個單純的個人意愿上的改變。通向?qū)捤≈繁闶峭?。下面就是安?瑪麗亞.哈根所說的話：undefined undefined Forgiveness is not permission. It doesn’t mean that you agree with what the offender has done, or that they had a right to do what they did. Forgiveness cannot be conditional on remorse because that would mean we can only forgive those who are sorry. Forgiveness is recognizing that the offender is a human being who is deserving of kindness, compassion and love despite the harm they have done. “寬恕并不是一種許諾,。寬恕并不意味著你要認(rèn)同冒犯你的人所做的一切，也不是意味著他們有做那些錯事的權(quán)利,。寬恕也不能建立在對方良心發(fā)現(xiàn)的基礎(chǔ)上,，如果是這樣的話，那就意味著我們只能夠原諒那些感到自責(zé)的人,。寬恕就是視那些冒犯者與我們一樣同樣擁有被善待,、被同情、被愛的權(quán)利,，盡管他們做出了傷害他人的事,。undefined undefined So what about you – are you willing find the path to forgiveness? 所以，你呢,？------你愿意去發(fā)現(xiàn)通向?qū)捤〉穆吠締幔?/FONT> |
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