你終于熬過了那些凌晨兩點起床喂奶的日子,，挨過了孩子幼時亂發(fā)脾氣的階段，那些假期后不肯重回學校的掙扎你也見識過了,，所以,，為什么一提起“十幾歲的孩子”這個詞，你還會如此大傷腦筋呢,？

When you consider that the teen years are a period of intense growth, not only physically but morally and intellectually, it's understandable that it's a time of confusion and upheaval for many families.

十幾歲這個年紀正是孩子在身體,、品德和智力等各方面快速成長的階段，難怪很多家庭在這個時期都會感到動蕩不安,，手足所措,。

Despite some adults' negative perceptions about teens, they are often energetic, thoughtful, and idealistic, with a deep interest in what's fair and right. So, although it can be a period of conflict between parent and child, the teen years are also a time to help kids grow into the distinct individuals they will become.

雖然有些成年人一想到十幾歲的孩子就頭疼，不過這個年紀的孩子通常精力旺盛,，喜歡思考,，充滿理想，熱于探索公平和正義的內(nèi)涵,。雖然孩子在十幾歲這個年紀可能會跟父母發(fā)生沖突,，但這也是把孩子塑造成未來獨立個體的關鍵時期。

Understanding the Teen Years

了解十幾歲這個年紀

So when, exactly, does adolescence start? The message to send your kid is: Everybody's different. There are early bloomers, late arrivers, speedy developers, and slow-but-steady growers. In other words, there's a wide range of what's considered normal.

那么,，青春期到底是從什么時候開始的呢,？你應該告訴你的孩子：每個人都不一樣。有的人早,，有的人晚,，有的人變化很快，有的人慢慢成熟,。換句話說,，因人而異，都屬正常。

But it's important to make a (somewhat artificial) distinction between puberty and adolescence. Most of us think of puberty as the development of adult sexual characteristics: breasts, menstrual periods, pubic hair, and facial hair. These are certainly the most visible signs of puberty and impending adulthood, but kids who are showing physical changes (between the ages of 8 and 14 or so) also can be going through a bunch of changes that aren't readily seen from the outside. These are the changes of adolescence.

不過,，在發(fā)育期和青春期之間（多少有些人為地）劃出界限很有必要,。大多數(shù)人把發(fā)育期跟成年性征的發(fā)育聯(lián)系在一起：胸部、月經(jīng),、陰毛、胡子等,。這些都是最明顯的發(fā)育期的標志,，顯示著即將到來的成人階段，但是出現(xiàn)這些生理變化的孩子（8到14歲左右）也可能會經(jīng)歷一系列外表上看不出來的變化,，這些就屬于青春期的范疇,。

Many kids announce the onset of adolescence with a dramatic change in behavior around their parents. They're starting to separate from Mom and Dad and to become more independent. At the same time, kids this age are increasingly aware of how others, especially their peers, see them and are desperately trying to fit in. Their peers often become much more important, as compared with their parents, in terms of making decisions.

很多孩子進入青春期，首先會在對待父母的態(tài)度上出現(xiàn)巨大變化,。他們開始疏遠爸爸媽媽,，表現(xiàn)得更加獨立。與此同時,，這個年紀的孩子越來越在乎其他人,，特別是他們的同伴對他們的看法，并且會竭盡全力地跟大伙兒合群,。在作任何決定時,，同伴的意見也會比父母的更重要。

Kids often start "trying on" different looks and identities, and they become very aware of how they differ from their peers, which can result in episodes of distress and conflict with parents.

這個階段的孩子開始經(jīng)常“嘗試”各種不同的打扮和造型,，他們對于自己跟同伴的差異非常敏感,，因此會感到苦惱，也會跟父母發(fā)生沖突,。

Butting Heads

頂撞

One of the common stereotypes of adolescence is the rebellious, wild teen continually at odds with Mom and Dad. Although it may be the case for some kids and this is a time of emotional ups and downs, that stereotype certainly is not representative of most teens.

有一種對青春期孩子的成見,，認為他們充滿叛逆，狂躁不安,，總是跟爸爸媽媽發(fā)生爭執(zhí),。雖然有些孩子是這樣，而且這的確是一個充滿起起伏伏情緒的時期,，但這種成見決不代表大多數(shù)十幾歲的孩子,。

But the primary goal of the teen years is to achieve independence. For this to occur, teens will start pulling away from their parents — especially the parent whom they're the closest to. This can come across as teens always seeming to have different opinions than their parents or not wanting to be around their parents in the same way they used to.

不過，十幾歲這個年齡的首要目標就是要爭取獨立,。要實現(xiàn)這一點,，十幾歲的孩子就得脫離父母，特別是他們最親近的那一方,。這或者會表現(xiàn)為孩子跟父母的意見總是相左,，或者會表現(xiàn)為孩子不愿意象過去那樣跟父母相處。

As teens mature, they start to think more abstractly and rationally. They're forming their moral code. And parents of teens may find that kids who previously had been willing to conform to please them will suddenly begin asserting themselves — and their opinions — strongly and rebelling against parental control.

隨著十幾歲的孩子慢慢成熟，他們開始抽象,、理性地思維,，并會形成自己的道德標準。做父母的會發(fā)現(xiàn),，那些原本很聽話的孩子,，會突然開始強烈地表現(xiàn)自己，堅持己見,，反對父母的管制,。

You may need to look closely at how much room you give your teen to be an individual and ask yourself questions such as: "Am I a controlling parent?," "Do I listen to my child?," and "Do I allow my child's opinions and tastes to differ from my own?"

這時你也許應該認真反省一下，你給自己十幾歲的孩子多大空間做他自己,。你需要問自己：“我是不是個控制欲很強的家長,？”“我是否傾聽孩子的意見？”“我是否允許孩子的意見和品味跟我的不一樣,？”

Tips for Parenting During the Teen Years

如何養(yǎng)育十幾歲的孩子

Looking for a roadmap to find your way through these years? Here are some tips:

你是否需要一張指路圖來幫助你度過孩子十幾歲的這個階段,？下面是一些竅門：

Educate Yourself

自我學習

Read books about teenagers. Think back on your own teen years. Remember your struggles with acne or your embarrassment at developing early — or late. Expect some mood changes in your typically sunny child, and be prepared for more conflict as he or she matures as an individual. Parents who know what's coming can cope with it better. And the more you know, the better you can prepare.

多讀些關于十幾歲孩子的書籍?；叵胍幌履阕约菏畮讱q時的情形,，想想你是如何跟青春痘叫勁的，你是否曾經(jīng)因為發(fā)育過早或過晚而感到難為情,。提前在心里做好準備,，你那通常很快樂的孩子可能會經(jīng)歷一些情緒波動，孩子在長大成人的過程中可能會跟你發(fā)生沖突,。如果家長事先知道可能會出現(xiàn)什么情況,，他們就能更好地應對。你知道的越多,，你的準備也會越充分,。

Talk to Your Child Early Enough

提早跟孩子溝通

Talking about menstruation or wet dreams after they've already started means you're too late. Answer the early questions kids have about bodies, such as the differences between boys and girls and where babies come from. But don't overload them with information — just answer their questions. If you don’t know the answers, help them find someone who does, like a trusted friend or your pediatrician.

如果你的孩子已經(jīng)來了月經(jīng)或者出現(xiàn)了夢遺，你再跟他們談就晚了,。不要回避孩子早期提出的有關身體的問題,，比如男孩和女孩的區(qū)別啦，嬰兒是從哪兒來的啦等等,。你不需要給他們太多細節(jié),，只回答他們的問題就好。如果你不知道答案,，你可以幫他們找個知道的人來解答,，比如一個你信得過的朋友或者你的兒科醫(yī)生。

You know your kids. You can hear when your child's starting to tell jokes about sex or when attention to personal appearance is increasing. This is a good time to jump in with your own questions such as:

你最了解你的孩子,，如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)孩子開始講性笑話了,，或者對自己的外表越來越關注，這時你應該抓住機會，問些諸如以下的問題：

•Are you noticing any changes in your body?

• 你的身體有什么變化嗎,？

•Are you having any strange feelings?

• 你有沒有一些奇怪的感覺,？

•Are you sad sometimes and don't know why?

• 你會不會有時候莫名其妙地不高興？

A yearly physical exam is a great time to bring up these things. A doctor can tell your preadolescent — and you — what to expect in the next few years. An exam can serve as a jumping-off point for a good parent/child discussion. The later you wait to have this discussion, the more likely your child will be to form misconceptions or become embarrassed about or afraid of physical and emotional changes.

每年的體檢是討論這些問題的最佳時機,。醫(yī)生可以告訴你尚未進入青春期的孩子,，還有你本人，接下來的幾年里會發(fā)生什么情況,?？荚囈部梢猿蔀橐粋€很好的契機，讓父母跟孩子之間展開有益的交談,。你把這類談話推遲得越久，你的孩子越可能形成一些錯誤的想法,，或者對于身體和情緒的變化感覺難為情甚至恐懼,。

Furthermore, the earlier you open the lines of communication, the better chance you have of keeping them open through the teen years. Give your child books on puberty written for kids going through it. Share memories of your own adolescence. There's nothing like knowing that Mom or Dad went through it, too, to put a child more at ease.

更重要的是，你越早進行開誠布公的交談,，你越有可能在孩子整個十幾歲的成長期間都保持暢通的溝通渠道,。讓你的孩子閱讀一些專為發(fā)育期孩子寫的書,，講講你自己青春期的記憶。如果孩子知道爸爸媽媽也曾經(jīng)有過同樣的經(jīng)歷,，他們會輕松許多的,。

Put Yourself in Your Child's Place

站在孩子的立場上

Practice empathy by helping your child understand that it's normal to be a bit concerned or self-conscious, and that it's OK to feel grown-up one minute and like a kid the next.

設身處地地讓孩子明白，所有的擔心和害羞都再正常不過,，一會兒覺得自己是大人,、一會兒又覺得自己是孩子也沒有關系。

Pick Your Battles

有選擇的嚴厲

If teenagers want to dye their hair, paint their fingernails black, or wear funky clothes, think twice before you object. Teens want to shock their parents and it's a lot better to let them do something temporary and harmless; leave the objections to things that really matter, like tobacco, drugs and alcohol, or permanent changes to their appearance.

如果十幾歲的孩子想要染發(fā),，把指甲涂黑,，或者穿些稀奇古怪的衣服，不要立刻表示反對,。十幾歲的孩子最喜歡嚇到他們的父母,，所以不妨讓他們在一些無傷大雅的小事上暫時隨意，而把你的反對留給那些真正要緊的事,，比如抽煙,、吸毒、喝酒,、或者永久性的整容,。

Ask why your teen wants to dress or look a certain way and try to understand how your teen is feeling. You might also want to discuss how others might perceive them if they look different — help your teen understand how he or she might be viewed.

問問你的孩子，為什么一定要穿著打扮成那個樣子，努力去理解孩子的想法,。你也可以跟孩子討論一下別人會如何看待這種標新立異,，讓你的孩子明白別人可能產(chǎn)生的想法。

Set Expectations

設立明確要求

Teens will likely act unhappy with expectations their parents place on them. However, they usually understand and need to know that their parents care enough about them to expect certain things such as good grades, acceptable behavior, and adherence to the rules of the house. If parents have appropriate expectations, teens will likely try to meet them. Without reasonable expectations, your teen may feel you don't care about him or her.

父母對十幾歲的孩子提出要求時,，他們一般都會表現(xiàn)得不太高興,。不過，孩子通常都明白,，他們也必須了解,，父母是因為愛他們，才會對他們有所期望的,，比如學習成績優(yōu)良,、行為不越軌、遵守家里的規(guī)矩等,。如果家長的要求適度,，孩子一般都會努力奉行的。如果你對孩子沒有合理的要求,，你的孩子也許會認為你對他不在乎,。

Inform Your Teen - and Stay Informed Yourself

告知孩子，也告知自己

The teen years often are a time of experimentation, and sometimes that experimentation includes risky behaviors. Don't avoid the subjects of sex, or drug, alcohol, and tobacco use; discussing these things openly with kids before they're exposed to them increases the chance that they'll act responsibly when the time comes. Share your family values with your teen and talk about what you believe is right and wrong.

十幾歲的孩子喜歡嘗試新鮮,，有時這樣的嘗試也會涉及危險的行為,。不要回避性、毒品,、酗酒,、抽煙這類話題，在孩子接觸到這些事情以前就跟他們開誠布公地交談,，這樣當孩子當真遇到這類情況時,，他們就更有可能采取負責任的行動。跟你的孩子分享家庭價值觀,，告訴他你是如何判斷對錯的,。

Know your child's friends — and know their friends' parents. Regular communication between parents can go a long way toward creating a safe environment for all teens in a peer group. Parents can help each other keep track of the kids' activities without making the kids feel that they're being watched.

了解你的孩子都跟誰交朋友，并去認識他們的父母,。家長之間經(jīng)常保持溝通,，可以為所有在一起玩的孩子創(chuàng)造一個安全的環(huán)境。家長可以幫助彼此跟蹤孩子的動態(tài),，而不會讓孩子感覺他們受到監(jiān)視,。

Know the Warning Signs

認識警告信號

A certain amount of change may be normal during the teen years, but too drastic or long-lasting a switch in personality or behavior may signal real trouble — the kind that needs professional help. Watch for one or more of these warning signs:

十幾歲的孩子發(fā)生一些變化是非常正常的，不過如果孩子在個性或行為上出現(xiàn)巨大或持久的轉變,，這也許意味著孩子有麻煩,，需要專業(yè)的幫助,。你需要留心下面的警告信號：

•extreme weight gain or loss

• 體重過度增加或減少

•sleep problems

• 睡眠出現(xiàn)問題

•rapid, drastic changes in personality

• 個性出現(xiàn)急劇、徹底的變化

•sudden change in friends

• 突然變換朋友

•skipping school continually

• 連續(xù)逃課

•falling grades

• 成績滑坡

•talk or even jokes about suicide

• 談論甚至拿自殺開玩笑

•signs of tobacco, alcohol, or drug use

• 出現(xiàn)抽煙,、喝酒或者吸毒的征兆

•run-ins with the law

• 犯法

Any other inappropriate behavior that lasts for more than 6 weeks can be a sign of underlying trouble, too. You may expect a glitch or two in your teen's behavior or grades during this time, but your A/B student shouldn't suddenly be failing, and your normally outgoing kid shouldn't suddenly become constantly withdrawn. Your doctor or a local counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help you find proper counseling.

如果孩子出現(xiàn)任何其它不當行為長達六個星期以上,，也應該被視作潛在問題的前兆。十幾歲的孩子,，行為也許會出現(xiàn)一兩次閃失，成績偶爾也會波動,，但是一個成績一直優(yōu)良的孩子不應該突然間不及格,，一個通常很外向的孩子也不應該突然變得沉默寡言,。你的醫(yī)生,、學校的指導老師、心理學家或者精神醫(yī)師都可以為你提供咨詢,。

Respect Kids' Privacy

尊重孩子的隱私

Some parents, understandably, have a very hard time with this one. They may feel that anything their kids do is their business. But to help your teen become a young adult, you'll need to grant some privacy. If you notice warning signs of trouble, then you can invade your child's privacy until you get to the heart of the problem. But otherwise, it's a good idea to back off.

可以理解，有些家長要做到這一條不太容易,，他們可能覺得任何孩子的事都是他們的事。不過要幫助你的孩子長大成人,，你必須學會給他一些隱私空間,。如果你注意到一些警告信號，你當然可以侵犯孩子的隱私直到查出問題的癥結,。不然的話,，最好還是保持一點距離。

In other words, your teenager's room, texts, e-mails, and phone calls should be private. You also shouldn't expect your teen to share all thoughts or activities with you at all times. Of course, for safety reasons, you should always know where teens are going, when they'll be returning, what they're doing, and with whom, but you don't need to know every detail. And you definitely shouldn't expect to be invited along!

也就是說,，你十幾歲孩子的房間,、短信、郵件和電話都屬于他的隱私,。你不應該指望你的孩子隨時把他所想所做的一切都告訴你,。當然，出于安全的考量,，你應該知道你十幾歲的孩子去了哪里,，什么時候回來，都干些什么,，跟什么人在一起,，但是你不需要知道每一個細節(jié)，更不要指望被邀請一起去,！

Start with trust. Let your teen know that you trust him or her. But, if the trust gets broken he or she may enjoy fewer freedoms until the trust is rebuilt.

要有信任,，讓你十幾歲的孩子知道你信任他,，但是如果他辜負了你的信任，他的自由就要減少,，直到你可以重新信任他,。

Monitor What Kids See and Read

了解孩子看些什么，讀些什么

TV shows, magazines and books, the Internet — kids have access to tons of information. Be aware of what yours watch and read. Don't be afraid to set limits on the amount of time spent in front of the computer or the TV. Know what they're learning from the media and who they may be communicating with online.

電視節(jié)目,、雜志書箱,、互聯(lián)網(wǎng)——孩子接觸著大量的信息。你需要了解你的孩子都在看些什么,，讀些什么,。不要不敢規(guī)定他們玩電腦或看電視的時間。你需要知道他們從媒體上都學到些什么,，他們在網(wǎng)上都跟誰聯(lián)絡。

Teens shouldn't have unlimited access to TV or the Internet in private — these should be public activities. Access to technology should also be limited after certain hours (say 10 PM or so) to encourage adequate sleep. It's not unreasonable to have cell phones and computers off limits after a certain time.

十幾歲的孩子私下里看電視或上網(wǎng)的機會不能太多,，這些都應該是公開的活動,。超過了某個時間（比如晚上十點左右），孩子的這類活動就應該受到限制,，以確保足夠的睡眠。過了某個時間以后不讓孩子用手機或電腦,，這樣的要求并不是不合理,。

Make Appropriate Rules

制訂適當?shù)囊?guī)則

Bedtime for a teenager should be age appropriate, just as it was when your child was a baby. Teens still need about 8-9 hours of sleep. Reward your teen for being trustworthy. Does your child keep to a 10 PM curfew on weekends? Move it to 10:30 PM. And does a teen always have to go along on family outings? Encourage a reasonable amount of family time together.

對十幾歲的孩子來說，上床睡覺的時間應該根據(jù)年齡而調(diào)整,，就象嬰兒時期一樣,。十幾歲的孩子依然需要8到9小時的睡眠,。如果你的孩子值得信賴，你可以予以獎勵,。比如,，你的孩子在周末是不是也遵守晚上十點上床睡覺的規(guī)定？告訴他可以推后到十點半,。你是否要求你的孩子一定要參加全家出游,？你應該提倡家人多花些時間在一起。

Decide what your expectations are, and don't be insulted when your growing child doesn't always want to be with you. Think back: You probably felt the same way about your mom and dad.

你需要確定你的期望值是什么,，即使你的孩子不想總跟你在一起也不要感覺受傷,。回頭想想：你小時候對爸爸媽媽可能也是同樣的看法喲,。

Will This Ever Be Over?

這一切有沒有盡頭,？

As kids progress through the teen years, you'll notice a slowing of the highs and lows of adolescence. And, eventually, they'll become independent, responsible, communicative young adults.

隨著十幾歲的孩子慢慢長大,，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)，那些青春期的起起伏伏不再那么頻繁出現(xiàn)了,。最終,，你的孩子會成為獨立、負責,、可以溝通的年輕人,。

So remember the motto of many parents with teens: We're going through this together, and we'll come out of it — together!

所以不要忘了很多有十幾歲孩子的父母的座右銘：我們一起經(jīng)歷這一切，我們也會一起結束這一切,。