當(dāng)所有事情都擠到一起,，我的負(fù)面情緒就會(huì)立即爆棚,。每每到了這樣的時(shí)候，我那自我調(diào)整的能量就會(huì)自行消退,。
暫時(shí)將別人的需求放在一邊,，讓自己松口氣，休息一下,。給自己獨(dú)處的空間,，恢復(fù)自身的活力。
內(nèi)向的我如何在外向的世界里尋找愛(ài)
文/Brenda Knowles
內(nèi)向敏感,，該如何舒緩焦慮,、釋放壓力
這幾天，焦慮這家伙又不請(qǐng)自來(lái)了,。我已經(jīng)通過(guò)自我開(kāi)導(dǎo)將生活方式調(diào)整得輕松自在,，飲食習(xí)慣也低糖時(shí)尚，我本以為焦慮早已打道回府,，可沒(méi)想到事情并非如此,。她就像我的一位遠(yuǎn)方親戚，在凌晨4點(diǎn)把我叫醒,，帶著一波又一波的沖擊和萬(wàn)馬奔騰般的思緒,，將我內(nèi)心深處醞釀的壓力情緒統(tǒng)統(tǒng)逐一說(shuō)破。
Anxiety reared her ugly uninvited head recently. I thought she’d been sent packing by my relaxed self-guided lifestyle and spiffy low-sugar diet but noooooo… She wakes me at 4AM with adrenaline shots and racing thought chasers. Like a resentful relative she reminds me of every stressful situation I have brewing.
焦慮就像一個(gè)不招人待見(jiàn)的老朋友,，對(duì)于她善用的造訪理由我已十分清楚,。我不僅知道她為何總是對(duì)我戀戀不舍,，甚至清楚每次她大駕光臨時(shí)我該如何應(yīng)對(duì),。其實(shí)我對(duì)自己當(dāng)時(shí)的做法并沒(méi)有明確的認(rèn)識(shí),，每次都是等到焦慮情緒過(guò)后,，經(jīng)過(guò)自我反省,，我才意識(shí)到自己具體的應(yīng)對(duì)辦法,。
Anxiety is a bad old friend. I know her favorite reasons to visit. I know what brings her ’round. I even know how I’ll react to her presence—although I almost never realize I’m reacting until the visit is over and I stand observing the aftermath.
她每次都是在我只考慮他人需要,、他人期許的時(shí)候出現(xiàn),。
She shows up when I feel confined to everyone else’s needs and expectations.
她的一對(duì)好姐妹分別是“理想主義”和“完美主義”,，她常常都是跟隨著她們的腳步不請(qǐng)自來(lái),。
She often arrives just after her cronies, Idealism and Perfectionism, pay a visit.
每次當(dāng)我無(wú)暇顧及自己喜歡的工作，或是長(zhǎng)期沉泯于負(fù)面情緒無(wú)法自拔時(shí),，她就會(huì)來(lái)到我面前,，對(duì)我橫挑鼻子豎挑眼。
She loves to niggle me when I’m dying to achieve something but can’t find the time or when I’ve been immersed in negativity for too long.
愛(ài)做夢(mèng)的內(nèi)向者總有很多目標(biāo) The dreamy introvert has goals
身為一個(gè)性格內(nèi)向的人,，同時(shí)身為一個(gè)對(duì)未來(lái)充滿了無(wú)限遐想,、對(duì)和諧融洽的關(guān)系有著與生俱來(lái)的渴望、對(duì)靈活自由的生活更是鐘愛(ài)無(wú)比的人,，我對(duì)于他人給我設(shè)定的重重限制,，表現(xiàn)得格外敏感,。
As an introvert with a penchant for possibilities, an innate desire for harmony and a love of wide -open schedules, I am especially sensitive to restrictions imposed by others.
2014我的新年訓(xùn)誡（不是“新年計(jì)劃”，因?yàn)橛?jì)劃都是用來(lái)實(shí)現(xiàn)的,，而我設(shè)定的目標(biāo)就從來(lái)沒(méi)實(shí)現(xiàn)過(guò)）：
My new year’s precepts (not resolutions, they never work) for 2014 are:
1.有更多作為,。 1. Accomplish more
2.設(shè)定自己與他人交往的邊界，認(rèn)真執(zhí)行,。 2. Establish and maintain personal boundaries
3.做到言簡(jiǎn)意賅（對(duì)于這一目標(biāo)我已徹底放棄,。我承認(rèn)自己就是個(gè)啰嗦的家伙，總是愛(ài)滔滔不絕,。） 3. Be more concise (I’ve all but given up on this one. I freely own that I am a wordy expressive babe;).
愛(ài)做夢(mèng)的內(nèi)向者回歸現(xiàn)實(shí)（變得刻?。?/span> The dreamy introvert gets real (bitchy)
我知道做人不能太自私。我自己有幾個(gè)小孩,，對(duì)于他們作為孩子的合理需求,，比如母親的關(guān)愛(ài)呵護(hù)等，我總是盡量滿足,。因?yàn)槲乙蚕矚g這些小家伙,，喜歡他們各自鮮明的性格。然而我之所以能夠滿足他們的需求,，是因?yàn)槲医o自己安裝了內(nèi)置的休整空間,，有了它，我就可以從與人/孩子的互動(dòng)中暫時(shí)解脫出來(lái),。但有時(shí),，這些空間也會(huì)被一些突發(fā)事件所侵占，比如學(xué)校停課,、孩子父親出差、小孩突生虱子或染上流感,、家里有人需要幫忙,，以及為了接待客人得把家里打掃得一塵不染，諸如此類的事情,。
I am aware of the importance of being unselfish. I have children and they have kid needs, including affection and care-giving from their mother. I will always make sure their needs are met because I love and enjoy the little buggers and their highly individualized personalities. I can meet their needs because I have built in pockets of rest between bursts of people/child interfacing. Sometimes these pockets are eaten up by unusual events such as school closings, their father traveling for work, lice and flu outbreaks, other family members needing help, keeping a house immaculate for showings, etc.
當(dāng)所有事情都擠到一起,，我的負(fù)面情緒就會(huì)立即爆棚，甚至?xí)c人陷入口角,，完全喪失了獨(dú)處的空間,。每每到了這樣的時(shí)候，我那自我調(diào)整的能量就會(huì)自行消退,，而與此同時(shí),，焦慮這家伙則開(kāi)始搽脂抹粉、整裝待發(fā),，再次名正言順地前來(lái)造訪,。她來(lái)訪的時(shí)間大多集中在凌晨,。她可真會(huì)選時(shí)候！半夜三更,，完全不考慮給我造成的不便,，更不會(huì)顧及給我?guī)?lái)的失眠的痛苦。
These are the times when too much togetherness leads to bickering, negativity and a lack of solitude. These are the times my conscious energy flags and Anxiety draws on her eye-brows, blots her lipstick and prepares for a proper visit. She usually arrives in the wee hours of the morning. Thanks. Her lack of consideration and inconvenient timing often create a bitter bout of sleep-deprivation as well.
毫無(wú)疑問(wèn),，這種焦慮折磨著我,，僅僅三天時(shí)間我就會(huì)狂躁不安。三天下來(lái),，我毫無(wú)作為,，自己預(yù)先設(shè)定的各種邊界根本無(wú)法堅(jiān)守。
Needless to say, fish and anxiety- riddled me, stink after three days. I don’t get anything accomplished and my boundaries are seriously weak.
我好像被撕扯掉外皮的困獸,，內(nèi)心變得過(guò)度敏感,。
I feel skinless and overly sensitive.
我的行為舉止已經(jīng)儼然成了一位將軍，凡事都過(guò)于在乎細(xì)節(jié),，過(guò)分剖析解讀,。對(duì)于孩子，我也完全喪失了耐心,，聽(tīng)到他們喊我?guī)兔蛘咦屛仪謇矸块g,，我就像歌曲《媽，衣架在哪》里唱的那樣,，完全失去了平日卡蘿爾﹒布蘭迪般溫柔的語(yǔ)氣,。
I start acting like a general. I become overly analytical and obsessed with details. I get on the kids about helping out and cleaning up the place — and I don’t use my Carol Brady voice, more like my Mommy Dearest No Wire Hangers voice.
雖然我常批評(píng)兒子挑剔、苛刻,，但我卻發(fā)現(xiàn)自己比他還要挑剔,、還要苛刻。我自己也無(wú)法理解為什么會(huì)變這樣,，到了最后總是因?yàn)樽约簩?duì)他太苛刻感到十分愧疚,。
I even find myself being harsh and critical with my son for being harsh and critical. This is so confusing and ultimately turns into personal shame for being so hard on him.
我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己變得優(yōu)柔寡斷、力不從心,。為何連晚餐吃什么這樣簡(jiǎn)單的事情自己都拿不定主意,？為何不能很快想到辦法糾正自己的錯(cuò)誤？為何自己會(huì)一事無(wú)成,？
I start to see myself as indecisive and incompetent. Why can’t I think of anything for dinner? Why can’t I be quicker with consequences for misbehavior? I never finish anything…
焦慮來(lái)襲,，這就是我的應(yīng)對(duì)方法。對(duì)此,，我并不驕傲,，一絲一毫也沒(méi)有。
This is how I react. I’m not proud. At all.
我所有的這些表現(xiàn)都是因?yàn)椤?/span>
I go through all of this because…
我需要更好地開(kāi)發(fā)很少用到的潛意識(shí)的大腦功能。我需要掌握主動(dòng)權(quán),，需要對(duì)家里的事情做主,。
I need to better develop my unconscious and lesser used mental functions. I need to gain control. I want to have a say about what goes on in my house.
我總是過(guò)度使用自己的協(xié)調(diào)感（即感受他人想法的能力），而站在旁觀者的角度理性分析的秩序感,，我卻用的不多,。我要努力在二者之間實(shí)現(xiàn)一種平衡。
I want to balance my overused sense of attunement (feeling what everyone else is feeling) with an analytical and detached sense of order.
我自己也有需求,，也想有所作為,，我必須正視這種需求。偶爾為實(shí)現(xiàn)自己的想法而努力,，這當(dāng)然無(wú)可厚非,。
I need to acknowledge and accept my own need for achievement. It’s OK to accomplish something myself occasionally.
我需要跳下理想主義的基石，讓自己放松,，接受現(xiàn)實(shí)的一切,。我并不完美，有時(shí)也缺乏定力,。我跟別人一樣,，都有力不從心的時(shí)候。我不能指望別人永遠(yuǎn)對(duì)我和顏悅色,、永遠(yuǎn)情緒高漲,，也不能指望他們時(shí)刻都能向我伸出援助之手。
I need to topple from my pedestal of idealism. I need the realism and relief. I’m not perfect. I fail at composure. I can be incompetent and so can others. I can’t expect others to be kind, helpful and cheerful all the time.
如何卸下壓力,，重新回歸到正常狀態(tài) How to ditch Anxiety and return to normal
1. 耐心等待,。性格內(nèi)向的人不必?fù)?dān)心，焦慮情緒常常都會(huì)自行消退,。 1. Wait it out. For introverted feeling types, she often leaves on her own.
2.與那些認(rèn)可你（甚至對(duì)你強(qiáng)烈的負(fù)面情緒也能充分理解）的人傾心交談,。 2. Have an intimate conversation with someone who validates you (even your strong negative feelings).
3. 找時(shí)間自我反省，肯定自身價(jià)值,。當(dāng)然獨(dú)處也非常重要,。 3. Find time to reflect on and prioritize personal values. Solitude, of course.
4. 利用自己已有的技能開(kāi)展一項(xiàng)新的工作。新穎而有趣的想法可以給人帶來(lái)巨大的動(dòng)力和能量,。 4. Start a new project that uses established skills. An intriguing new idea can motivate and energize.
5. 暫時(shí)將別人的需求放在一邊,，讓自己松口氣,，休息一下,。給自己獨(dú)處的空間，恢復(fù)自身的活力,。 5. Get relief from others’ needs. Take a break. Be alone. Nurture you.
陷入焦慮情緒的確令人痛苦,，但刻意回避也非明智之舉。其實(shí)，壓力也會(huì)帶給你更清晰的思路和更豐富的見(jiàn)識(shí),。你可以對(duì)之前自己下意識(shí)的行為有更為直觀的認(rèn)識(shí),。雖然焦慮這位不速之客讓人討厭，給人帶來(lái)巨大的壓力,，但她也會(huì)令你成長(zhǎng),。焦慮這家伙雖然總是不請(qǐng)自來(lái)，但卻總會(huì)讓你有所改變,，讓你變得更加優(yōu)秀,。
Being in the grip of Anxiety can be intense but it’s not a good idea to avoid her. Often these visits bring clarity and new knowledge. She brings the unconscious world into the conscious with her cloying blend of stress and personal growth. Anxiety, with her pesky intrusiveness can make you change, often for the better.
本文選自豆瓣閱讀同文館作品《內(nèi)向的我如何在外向的世界里尋找愛(ài)》
內(nèi)向的我如何在外向的世界里尋找愛(ài)
作者 Brenda Knowles
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