【作者簡介】熊德　北京外國語大學(xué)

    　　一位有獎?wù)魑膮①愓叩脑?br>    After graduating from a Master's degree,(2)I favorably(3)found a satisfactory job,and then fell in love with an angel,then engagement and marriage ceremony.Finally,I have a pretty son.All these things seem to be undoubtedly logical.(4)
    (5)My father abandoned a comfortable life at hometown,and transferred his ambition(6)and enthusiasm onto his son,says exactly,his grandson.However,during the past decades,he was a diligent and conscientious engineer who devoted himself to a large-scale state-owned enterprise.
    Last autumn,he retired with honour,as maple-leaves go with the wind.Old age creeps upon one unawares.
    Scarcely,(7)I would forwardly(8)communicate with him over common concerned topics,such as world politics,science development,etc.says nothing of my spirit and soul.In some aspects,we cannot comprehend each other.Perhaps,generation gap is partly to blame.Although in any case,I have lived up to the expectation of my father.(9)
    Time is a magus.(10)It changed me soundlessly,from a naughty,boy to an industrious father.I don't like the rush and noisy of modem life,but now,I have to support my family as a provider.Previously,it's self-confessed that I was hot-tempered and arrogant.When I met with much frustration,I was used to complaining(11)of something.On the contrary,my father never blamed god and any others.(12)His bravery and wisdom lightened my heart and inspired me with hope and confidence to overcome defeats.(13)
    Gradually,my son learned to crawl,clap his hands,and walk haltingly.Whatever happens outside my cozy family,the unhappy mood would clear up fleetly,(14)especially when the baby smiling to you.I often argue with my wife about whether its eyes like me or not,and various dreams including what we have never achieved.
    Sometimes,I ponder over what my father had done when I was in my childhood.But,throughout my baby-feeding process,(15)I understand him much more than ever last years.Father and I,we both do the same thing.The greatest thing in our life!
    The only difference is time.I know.Though time flies like a golden arrow.
    Gazing at my father's receding figure with his back bent,I suddenly realized that life is not a faint candle,lonely flickering in the dark world,but a raging flaming of torch.It must be well preserved and carried forward,and then handed over to the next generation.(16)
    　　經(jīng)熊教授修改后的文章
    After finishing my studies with a Master's degree,I had the good fortune to find a good job.My good fortune continued when I met and fell in love with an angel.Engagement and marriage ceremony soon followed and in due course I was blessed with a lovely son.All these things seemed so natural and I took them for granted.
    My father had been an engineer who had devoted all his time and energy working for a large-scale state-owned enterprise.We seldom had time to communicate with each other except on common topics like world politics and scientific advances,let alone having heart to heart talks.In some aspects,we lacked mutual understanding.Perhaps generation gap was partly to blame.But things changed when he honorably retired after a lifetime of conscientious and diligent work.Old age had crept upon him unawares.He gave up a comfortable and carefree life in our old hometown to move in with us to devote his whole attention to his son,or to be more exact,to his grandson.
    I had always been a hot-tempered and arrogant young man dissatisfied with the noise and rush of modern life.But also almost unawares,time has changed me from an irresponsible devil-maycare young man to a hard-working breadwinner of file family.It was the process of bringing up the baby that was responsible for the change in me.Watching him learning to crawl,to clap his hands,to toddle along unsteadily brought me infinite joy.All my troubles,all my worries would vanish immediately at the mere sight of him.Inevitably my wife and I would often squabble over trifles.Sometimes we would quarrel over questions like whether his eyes were like hers or mine,or our different dreams that were realized or not realized.But as soon as we see our darling smiling to us,nothing else seem to matter.
    Life with my father was also responsible for this great change in me.Unlike me,he was eventempered and never complaining.He always faced life with bravery and wisdom,and never blamed god or any man for his misfortunes.His example greatly inspired me to face life with hope and confidence.Sometimes I ponder over how he had behaved when I was a baby and he was bringing me up.Time flies like a golden arrow,and now gazing at his bent figure,I've come to realize that both father and I are doing the same thing-the greatest thing in life!We are both carrying the raging flaming torch of life,which must be preserved and handed down from generation to generation.
    　　總評：
    文章讀起來似乎很簡單，但其實(shí)它含有較深刻的哲理,，可惜作者沒有更詳細(xì)地發(fā)揮這個主題思想,。文字方面，總的來說是比較好的,，顯示了一定的功底,，但有的地方用詞不夠恰當(dāng),。最主要的毛病是在文章的組織方面,，思維表現(xiàn)得不夠清楚，重點(diǎn)不夠突出,，所以做了一些必要的改動,。具體修改如下：
    (1)副題應(yīng)該去掉。文章的重點(diǎn)并不是談他和他父親的關(guān)系,，更沒有談這關(guān)系如何改變了他的生活,。
    (2)你只能從一個學(xué)校畢業(yè)，不能從一個學(xué)位畢業(yè),，只能說graduated with a Master's degree,。
    (3)用詞不當(dāng)。作者將favorable和fortunate搞混了,。
    (4)又是用詞不當(dāng),。這里用natural要比用logical更為恰當(dāng)。
    (5)第二段和第三段思維不夠清楚,，所以重新做了較大的調(diào)整,。
    (6)一個人對自己的兒孫不可能會有ambition，只對自己的事業(yè)才會有ambition,。
    (7)這里用scarcely不只是不妥,，而是根本不通。
    (8)forwardly在這里也用得莫名其妙,。
    (9)這句雖然找不出什么大毛病,，但在這里有點(diǎn)out of place，正在談和父親溝通有問題，不能突然又說滿足了父親對他的期望,。這段開始時好像是說父親退休后的情況,，而事實(shí)上作者是指總的情況。
    (10)這是一個帶有宗教色彩的字,，是指魔術(shù)家或給你帶來禮物的人,。文中是指時間。這字很少用,，這里用得很不恰當(dāng),，所以應(yīng)該去掉。
    (11)已經(jīng)說了自己脾氣暴躁,，現(xiàn)在又說自己經(jīng)常發(fā)牢騷,，事實(shí)上脾氣暴躁要比發(fā)牢騷嚴(yán)重多了，所以后面的話等于沒有說,。
    (12)這樣說是把上帝和人等同成同類,。
    (13)overcome后面只能跟difficulties，不能跟defeats,。
    (14)fleet作“快”的用法太古老,。
    (15)baby-feeding period是指母親哺乳期。
    (16)這樣說只是傳給下一代,，而作者要說的是代代相傳,。^