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hello大家好，我是達達,。今天大家應該都重新回歸工作和學習的懷抱了吧,？對2020年，不知道大家都有什么寄望呢,？我們都會認為朋友是自己以外的人,，卻沒人想過自己也能做自己的朋友。我們給予朋友寬容和溫暖,，卻對自己苛責和否認,。所以，達達希望,，在新開始的2020年,，大家都對自己好一點吧！演講題目：對自己好一點吧,！How To Be A Friend To Yourself 對自己好一點吧,！ 來自TED英語演說優(yōu)選 00:00 04:10 Trying to be a better friend to yourself sounds like an odd idea.Initially,，because we naturally imagine a friend as someone else, not as a part of our own mind.一開始因為我們很自然地想象朋友是其他的人,，不是我們自身的一部分。But there is value in the concept because of the extent to which we know how to treat our own friends,但是這個概念有其意義,，因為從某種程度上講,，我們知道該如何去對待我們的朋友，with the sympathy and imagination, we seldom apply to ourselves.懷著同情心和想象力,，但我們很少將它運用在我們自己身上,。If a friend is in trouble, our first instinct is rarely to tell them that they are fundamentally a sh*thead and a failure.如果一個朋友陷入了困境，我們第一直覺并不是告訴他們,，他們是徹底的傻蛋和失敗者,。If a friend complains that their partner isn't very warm to them, we don't tell them they're getting what they deserve,如果一個朋友向你抱怨說她的伴侶對她不夠溫暖，我們不會說那是你應得的待遇,，we try to re-assure them that they're essentially likeable and that it's worth investigating what might be done.我們會嘗試去向他們確認,，他們的的確確是令人喜愛的，并且值得去研究下一步可以怎樣做,。In friendship, we know instinctively how to deploy strategies of wisdom and consolation that we stubbornly refuse to apply to ourselves.在處理友誼時我們天然的知道,，應該怎樣制定一個明智的策略和怎樣去安慰他人，可我們固執(zhí)地拒絕將它們運用在我們自己身上,。There are some key moves a good friend would typically make which can provide a model for what we should, ideally be doing with ourselves, in our own heads.一位好朋友通常會做出一些關(guān)鍵動作,，這些動作可以為我們應該做的事情提供一個模型，理想情況下,，教會我們與內(nèi)在的自己合作,。Firstly, a good friend likes you pretty much as you already are.Any suggestion they make or ambition they have about how you could change builds on a background of acceptance.所有他們提出的建議或者對你可以改進的地方懷有信心,，這些都是建立在接納你的基礎上的。When they propose that you might try a different tack, it's not an ultimatum or a threat.當他們建議你可以做些不同的嘗試,，但那并不是最后通牒或是威脅,。They're not saying that you have to change or be abandoned.A friend insists we're good enough, already, but they want to join forces with us to solve a challenge they feel we would properly benefit, from overcoming.一位朋友堅持認為我們已經(jīng)足夠好了,，但是他們希望與我們攜手解決挑戰(zhàn)，他們認為自己會從克服中受益,。Without being flattering, good friends also constantly keep in mind certain things, we're getting right!摒棄了奉承,，好朋友也會一直把一件事放在心上，那就是，一切都會好起來的,！They don't think anything wrong with the odd compliment and emphasis on our strengths.他們不會覺的很不妥,，比如會給一些贊美和強調(diào)我們的長處。It's quietly galling how easily we can lose sight of all our own good points, when troubles strike.不過令人煩惱的是,，我們會很容易懷疑我們身上所有的優(yōu)點,，尤其當陷入困境的時候。A friend doesn't fall into this trap. They can acknowledge the difficulties while still holding on to a memory of our virtues.好朋友不會陷入這讓的圈套當中,。他們會承認困難的存在,，同時一直謹記我們身上的美德。The good friend is compassionate; when we fail, as we will, they are understanding and generous around our mishaps.一個好的朋友是富有同情心的,，當我們失敗時,，我們確實會失敗，但他們會理解,，并且寬容地對待我們的不幸,。Our folly, doesn't exclude them from the circle of their love.他們并不會因為我們做過蠢事就把我們排除在被愛的行列。The good friend definitely conveys that to err, fail and screw up is just what we humans do.好朋友一定會傳遞這樣的訊息,，那些犯過的錯誤,，失敗和搞砸的事只不過是我們?yōu)槿硕紩傻氖隆?/section>We all emerge from childhood with various biases in our character which evolved to help us cope with our necessarily imperfect parents and these acquired habits of mind will reliably let us down in adult life.我們都是從小屁孩成長起來的，伴隨著我們性格中的種種缺陷,，那些伴隨著我們注定不完美的父母形成的缺陷和那些后天形成的習性,，注定會讓我們在成年后的生活里摔跟頭。But, we're not to be blamed because we didn't deliberately set out to be like this. We didn't realistically, have a lot of better options.但是我們不應該受到苛責,，我們并不是故意要變成這樣子?，F(xiàn)實生活中，我們并沒有太多選擇,。We're indelibly required to make big decisions before we ever really understand what's at stake or how our choices will play out.我們不可避免的需要去做一些關(guān)鍵性的決定,，在我們還沒摸清牌局的情況下，或是不了解自己的選擇會導致怎樣的結(jié)果的情況下,。We steering blind in all our large moves around love and work. We opt for a move to a different city but we can't possibly know whether we're going to flourish there.我們?nèi)缤芍劬ψ鲋卮蟮臎Q定,，比如愛情和工作。我們選擇搬到一座新城市,，但我們并不知道能不能在這里大展宏圖。We have to select a career path when we're still young and we don't know what our latent needs will be.我們需要去選擇一條職業(yè)道路在我們還年輕的時候,，雖然我們并不確定自己將來真正想要什么,。In long term relationships, we have to make a commitment to another person before we understand what it will be like to tie our lives, so deeply to theirs'在一段長期的感情關(guān)系中我們必須要象對方做出承諾，在我們并不清楚將來會怎樣的情況下綁定了我們的生活,，和對方的生活,。The good friend knows that failures are not in fact, rare. They bring as a starting point their own and humanity's vivid experience of messing up into play as key points of reference.好朋友知道，事實上失敗是很常見的。他們一開始就知道將自己的和人們鮮活的失敗經(jīng)歷引入情景作為重要的參考,。They're continually telling us that our specific case, might be unique but that the general structure, is common.他們不斷地告訴我們,，我們或許各自有各自的不幸，但縱觀全局,，家家都有本難念的經(jīng),。People, don't just sometimes fail. Everyone fails, only, we don't know about it.人們并不是偶爾會失敗。所有人都會失敗,，只是我們并沒有意識到,。It's ironic, yet essentially hopeful that we usually know quite well how to be a better friend to near strangers than we know how to be, to ourselves.具有諷刺意味的是，我們通常會非常了解如何把一個陌生人變成更好的朋友,，而不是接納自己做自己的好朋友,。The hopefulness lies in the fact that we do, actually already possess the relevant skills of friendship.幸運的是，事實上我們已經(jīng)掌握了如何做一個好朋友的相關(guān)技巧,。It's just, we haven't as yet directed them to the person, who probably needs the most, namely, of course,，ourselves.只是我們沒有直接運用它們在一個最需要的人身上，他的名字,，很明顯,，就是我們自己。
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