2017年4月，43歲的南·霍爾茨在紐約皇后區(qū)的公寓里,。她是一名演員,、舞者，在六個(gè)月大時(shí)在韓國被收養(yǎng),。Mengwen Cao

After Mengwen Cao moved to New York from China, she started to feel like she was straddling two different worlds. To her friends and family back home, she had become “too American.” In New York, she said, she was “always a foreigner.”

曹夢(mèng)雯從中國搬到了紐約,，她開始感覺到自己跨越了兩個(gè)不同的世界。對(duì)于她家鄉(xiāng)的朋友和家人來說,，她已變得“太過美國”,。而在紐約，她說,，自己“永遠(yuǎn)是個(gè)外國人”,。

Wanting to grasp what it felt like to grow up around family members who “don’t look like you,” she set out to photograph adoptees who were born in Asia and raised by white American parents for a series called “I Stand Between.” An analysis by the Institute for Family Studies that compared two national surveys of adopted kindergarten students in the United States found that the proportion of adoptees in the United States with Asian backgrounds nearly tripled between 1999 and 2011, while the majority of adoptive parents were “white, older, well-educated and relatively affluent.”

為了理解在“長得不像你”的家人身邊成長起來是種什么樣的感覺，她開始拍攝出生在亞洲但由美國白人家長撫養(yǎng)的被收養(yǎng)者,，使之成為一個(gè)名為“我站在中間”(I Stand Between)的系列作品,。家庭研究所(Institute for Family Studies)的一項(xiàng)分析比較了兩項(xiàng)針對(duì)美國的被領(lǐng)養(yǎng)幼兒園兒童的全國調(diào)查，結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn),，在1999年至2011年間,，美國擁有亞洲背景的被收養(yǎng)者的比例幾乎翻了三番，而大多數(shù)養(yǎng)父母都是“年齡較大,、受過良好教育且相對(duì)富裕的白人”,。

Ms. Cao, 28, found that particular family structure interesting. To her, it seemed Asian adoptees and their parents constantly had to consider their racial and cultural identities. In 2016, she reached out to friends and nonprofit organizations for help in finding subjects willing to open up about adoption — a subject Ms. Cao says is largely stigmatized in China.

28歲的曹夢(mèng)雯覺得這一特定的家庭結(jié)構(gòu)很有趣。對(duì)她來說,，亞洲被收養(yǎng)者和他們的養(yǎng)父母似乎始終不得不考慮他們的種族和文化認(rèn)同,。2016年，她向朋友和非營利組織尋求幫助,，尋找愿意自由談?wù)撌震B(yǎng)這一話題的對(duì)象——曹說這個(gè)話題在中國很大程度上被污名化了,。

She said she felt grateful that people were willing to share their stories, especially because she wasn’t adopted. And some of the contacts she made had already been contemplating the issue through their own creative endeavors.

她說，她很感激人們?cè)敢夥窒硭麄兊墓适?，特別是因?yàn)樗约翰]有被領(lǐng)養(yǎng),。她所建立的一些聯(lián)系人已經(jīng)通過他們自己的創(chuàng)作行動(dòng)來深入思考這個(gè)問題。

2017年2月,，19歲的西德妮·布利策在中央公園,。 MENGWEN CAO

Cydney Blitzer, a photography student at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts who was adopted from southeast China, created a photo project that incorporates self-portraits with hurtful remarks people have said to her about adoption, like “I’m sorry your mother didn’t love you enough to keep you.”

在中國東南部被收養(yǎng)的西德妮·布利策(Cydney Blitzer)是紐約大學(xué)帝勢(shì)藝術(shù)學(xué)院(New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts)攝影專業(yè)學(xué)生，她創(chuàng)作了一個(gè)攝影計(jì)劃，將自我肖像和人們對(duì)其被收養(yǎng)經(jīng)歷的傷害性言論結(jié)合起來,，比如“我很遺憾你媽媽不夠愛你而將你拋棄”,。

Ms. Blitzer was raised by a single mother who openly discussed her adoption. Still, there has always been a lingering uncertainty. “I’ve never really felt like I had an identity because there’s this big question mark in my past,” she told Ms. Cao. “It’s been kind of hard to move on into the future in confidence, because I don’t feel like I know that much about myself anyway.”

布利策由一個(gè)公開談?wù)擃I(lǐng)養(yǎng)一事的單身母親撫養(yǎng)長大。但盡管如此,，她總有一種揮之不去的不確定感,。“我從來沒有真正覺得我有自己的身份認(rèn)同,，因?yàn)槲业倪^去有這個(gè)大問號(hào)存在,，”她告訴曹夢(mèng)雯?！白孕诺刈呦蛭磥硎怯悬c(diǎn)困難的,，因?yàn)槲矣X得我對(duì)自己的了解并不多?！?/span>

2017年2月,，四個(gè)月大時(shí)在中國茂名被收養(yǎng)的米婭·魯賓，現(xiàn)年23歲,。 MENGWEN CAO

Mia Rubin, a graduate of the Parsons School of Design, grew up in a white Jewish family in Chicago after being adopted from China. For her thesis project, she designed textiles using childhood photos and artwork to tell her own adoption story and those of others.

米婭·魯賓(Mia Rubin)畢業(yè)于帕森斯設(shè)計(jì)學(xué)院(Parsons School of Design),，在從中國被收養(yǎng)后，她在芝加哥一個(gè)白人猶太家庭長大,。在她的論文課題中,，她用童年照片和藝術(shù)品來設(shè)計(jì)織物，用于講述自己和其他人被領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的故事,。

She told Ms. Cao that she identifies as Jewish but has struggled to embrace Chinese culture. “Every time I was doing something that was Asian,” she admitted, “I felt like a fraud.”

她告訴曹夢(mèng)雯，她認(rèn)同自己是猶太人,，但也在艱難地接受中國文化,。“每次做些亞洲人的事,，”她承認(rèn),，“我都覺得自己像騙子?！?/span>

Ms. Cao found that most of the people she met shared that concern over authenticity, that question of what makes a “real” Asian.

曹夢(mèng)雯發(fā)現(xiàn),，她遇到的大多數(shù)人都在擔(dān)心是否地道的問題，也就是“真正的”亞洲人應(yīng)該具備哪些特質(zhì),。

“It kind of indicates there’s only one real truth, but talking to them made me realize that there’s no one way to be Asian or American — or just a person,” Ms. Cao said. “It’s so important for us to embrace our differences.”

“這差不多是在表示,，真相只有一個(gè)，但與他們交談讓我意識(shí)到,，要想成為亞洲人或美國人,，或者成為一個(gè)人，并不是只有一種方式,，”曹夢(mèng)雯說,。“接受我們之間的差異對(duì)我們來說非常重要,?！?/span>

2017年5月，25歲的馬修·盧斯在羅斯福島公寓,。 MENGWEN CAO

Other interviewees agreed: Mathew Luce, who was adopted from Indonesia and lives on Roosevelt Island, doesn’t take insults or ignorant comments to heart. “I’m proud that I’m Asian, and I’m proud that sometimes I act white,” he told Ms. Cao. “It’s just me. That’s how I grew up.”

其他受訪者也表示贊同：馬修·盧斯(Mathew Luce)來自印度尼西亞,，住在羅斯福島?！拔覟樽约菏莵喴岫院?，也為自己有時(shí)表現(xiàn)得像白人而自豪，”他對(duì)曹夢(mèng)雯說,?！斑@就是我。我就是這樣長大的,。

2017年5月,，11歲的尤娜在布魯克林自己的房間中。她在九個(gè)月大時(shí)在韓國被收養(yǎng),。 MENGWEN CAO

Una, whose parents asked that her last name not be published, was only 9 when Ms. Cao photographed her at home in Brooklyn. But she had been wondering about her identity for a while. With her family’s support, she already had contacted a Korean adoption agency to search for her biological parents, but she was told she was too young to open her case.

尤娜(Una)的父母要求不公開她的姓,，曹夢(mèng)雯在布魯克林的家里給她拍照時(shí)，她才九歲,。但是她對(duì)自己的身份感到困惑已經(jīng)有一段時(shí)間了,。在家人支持下，她聯(lián)系了一家韓國收養(yǎng)機(jī)構(gòu),，尋找自己的親生父母,，但她被告知年紀(jì)太小，無法立案,。

If she can’t find them, she told Ms. Cao, she would be content knowing she tried.

她告訴曹夢(mèng)雯,，如果找不到親生父母，曾經(jīng)嘗試過這一點(diǎn)已經(jīng)讓她可以知足了,。

Ms. Cao hopes to expand the photo essay to include people of other ethnic backgrounds. She said adoptees might not feel the need to address race at home, but “when they grow up and step into society, race is just a thing that nobody can escape.”

曹夢(mèng)雯希望將這篇攝影散文擴(kuò)展到其他民族背景的人,。她說，被收養(yǎng)的人可能覺得沒有必要在家里解決種族問題,，但“當(dāng)他們長大步入社會(huì)后,，種族會(huì)是任何人都無法逃避的問題?！?/span>

Her project has also helped Ms. Cao come to terms with her own identity. “I’m not trying to force myself to fit any categories,” she said. “Now I think I’m really comfortable, just knowing that nothing can take away from my Chinese roots.”

這個(gè)項(xiàng)目也幫助曹夢(mèng)雯接受了自己的身份,?！拔也幌霃?qiáng)迫自己去適應(yīng)任何類別，”她說,?！艾F(xiàn)在我覺得真的很舒服，因?yàn)槲抑罌]有什么能抹殺我的中國根,?！?/span>