各位好,，歡迎來到作文專欄的第三期,，關于該專欄的介紹可見怎樣寫一篇作文,？

一般來說,，寫作訓練主要有幾個要點：

1.提升語法基礎

2.提升用詞和句型能力

3.訓練邏輯思維能力

其中第三點最難,，也最需要經(jīng)過大量刻意訓練,。建議寫作經(jīng)常沒有思路的同學平時可以多找一些作文題目想觀點（如果實在想不到觀點,，可以上網(wǎng)搜一搜英文報道或者文章，看看他們是怎么寫的）,，列出主要提綱,，思考觀點之間的邏輯關系，然后再對照范文,，看看自己的思路是否正確,。經(jīng)過一兩個月的訓練，你的審題能力將會有很大提升,。

今天要分析的作文是關于大學生住校的問題,，題目是：

It is better for students to live away from home when they are at university than to live with parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

這是原始作文版本：

文/小蔡

In some countries, university students live at home, whereas in other countries university students go to other cities and do not live with family. Do you think the advantages for living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

Being admitted to university is a step towards adulthood, which puts a high value on independence. However, in some countries, university students are opting to live with parents rather than independently living in other cities during university. I believe that the disadvantages for it outweigh the advantages when independence cultivation and social competence are taken into consideration.

Leaving the parental nest and living in the halls of residence in other cities can develop undergraduates’ independence. It is because when they move into a new environment and live away from their past support system that they are forced to become more resilient and survive independently at the university. For example, tidying up the room by themselves, washing and mending their clothes alone, doing a part-time job to pay for their own bills, maintaining good health to deal with loads of study etc. Clearly, those chances to develop mental and behavioural independence are hard to come by through staying with parents during college.

In addition to independence fostering, boarding in the university can help students fully involved in campus life, which plays an important part in the socialization of undergraduates. In effect, leaving home to go to university is a rite of passage. Without parental prying eyes, undergraduates can freely throw themselves into activities and make friends with people from different social and cultural backgrounds. This helps undergraduates boost their confidence and develop social skills, such as teamwork and communication. In contrast, university students who live with their parents are less likely to socialize with their fellow students because they remain in their pre-university social groups, and more likely to feel isolated from their peer group at the university.

In conclusion, I am convinced that benefits for boarding university rather than living home are more significant than drawbacks, because, for undergraduates, this is not only an opportunity to develop independence but also a process of socialization.

下面是點評版本：

Being admitted to university is a step towards adulthood, which puts a high value on independence. However, in some countries, university students are opting to live with parents rather than independently living in other cities （不一定是住在其他城市，住在本市也有可能,，可以直接改成 rather than live independently）during university. （前面已經(jīng)有提到 university students, 因此 during university 可以刪去）I believe that the disadvantages for （介詞使用有誤,，應改成 of）it outweigh the advantages when independence cultivation and social competence are taken into consideration.

Leaving the parental nest and living in the halls of residence in other cities （與前面的 leaving the parental nest 表意重復,，可刪去）can develop undergraduates’ independence. It is because when they move into a new environment and live away from their past support system that they are forced to become more resilient and survive independently at the university. （survive 這個詞用得有點重，整個句子可以改成 That is because when they live away from home comfort, they have to be resilient and learn to acquire necessary life skills.）For example, tidying up the room by themselves, washing and mending their clothes alone, doing a part-time job to pay for their own （贅詞,，刪去）bills, maintaining good health to deal with loads of study （loads of 是很口語化的表達,，用在正式寫作里面不合適，這里可以改成 to learn effectively）etc. Clearly, those chances to develop mental and behavioural independence are hard to come by through staying with parents during college.

In addition to independence fostering, boarding in the university can help students get fully involved in campus life, which plays an important part in the socialization of undergraduates. （改成 developing interpersonal skills）In effect, leaving home to go to university is a rite of passage. Without parental prying eyes, （改成 without the prying eyes from parents）undergraduates can freely throw themselves into activities and make friends with people from different social and cultural backgrounds. This helps undergraduates （undergraduate 在這一段重復了很多次,，這里可以改成 them）boost their confidence and develop social skills, such as teamwork and communication. In contrast, university students who live with their parents are less likely to socialize with their fellow students because they remain in their pre-university social groups, and are more likely to feel isolated from their peer group at the university.

In conclusion, I am convinced that the benefits for boarding university rather than living at home are more significant （改成 outweigh）than the drawbacks, because, for undergraduates, this is not only an opportunity to develop independence but also a process of socialization.

總結(jié)：

文章總體上沒有離題,，提到了大學生離家住的兩個好處：能夠培養(yǎng)獨立性以及人際溝通能力。但是作者對培養(yǎng)獨立性這個觀點的論證不夠深入,，最好能夠多舉一些例子,，或者更加詳細說明離家住能夠培養(yǎng)獨立性的原因。

此外文章用詞存在一些問題,，部分句子可以寫得更加精簡,。

寫作思路：

It is better for students to live away from home when they are at university than to live with parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

本次作文題目要求我們分析判斷大學生在家住和在外面住哪個更好。這里支持正方或者反方都可以,。

如果是認為大學生在家住更有好處,，可以列舉出理由：

1）在家住更加方便，大學生可以節(jié)省更多時間學習,；

2）在家住能夠省下住宿費,，這對于貧困學生來說尤其重要；

3）在家住有家長的監(jiān)督,，學生不至于墮落（比如沉迷酒精或者游戲）

如果是認為大學生在外面住更有好處，可以給出理由：

1）在外面住能夠培養(yǎng)學生獨立生活的能力,，這對他們未來的生活有益,；

2）大學生選擇住學校還能增進同學情誼，提升人際溝通能力,；

3）同時,，住在學校離各種教學設施更近，有利于學習,。

下面是我寫的同題作文,，對大學生在外面住持支持態(tài)度：

文/魏劍峰

University students today are given more latitude in deciding whether to live away from their families or not. While opting to remain home-based may save money and offer some convenience, adopting a different lifestyle yields more long-term benefits.

Leaving the parental nest helps youngsters develop independence and prepares them for life’s demands and challenges. Families can act as a shelter and paradoxically, a constraint for youths: a shelter under which they can survive and thrive; a constraint for those who grow reliant on indulgent parents and find it difficult to acquire life skills. By dispensing with home comfort, students have the chance to try out new things and solve problems themselves, whether it be fixing domestic appliances or cooking a meal. In this process, they gain practical experience and lay a solid foundation for future self-reliance.

Youngsters living with their peers can better cultivate interpersonal skills, for they are provided with precious opportunities to learn important lessons about open-mindedness and cooperation, from showing respect for roommates’ personal habits to dealing with minor conflicts. Such skills will hold them in a good stead in terms of career development, given that companies large and small have placed a premium on team spirit. Moreover, being school-based has academic perks. College students are able to make and maintain a friendship with their classmates, who can be supportive during group work and collaborative learning. It is also easier for them to get access to educational facilities, i.e. libraries, laboratories, etc.

Granted, there are certain disadvantages of moving away from parental supervision. Young people living beyond the reach of their parents may fall prey to instant gratification, such as video games, alcohol and drugs. Rising rents could also become a heavy burden. However, as youngsters learn to be more self-disciplined and seek out financial support by doing part-time jobs or applying for a grant, this will not prove to be much of a problem.

In conclusion, I am convinced that the benefits of living away from home outweigh the drawbacks. For those who pursue independence and social maturity, flying the nest is something they should opt for.

預告：

本專欄下期要分析的作文題目是：

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

感興趣的同學可以先思考如何寫，然后對照下期的思路分析,。建議有空的同學自己動筆寫一篇,。