一道英語(yǔ)考試寫作題：

由于現(xiàn)在的家長(zhǎng)很忙,，他們應(yīng)該把孩子送給托兒所（很多孩子）,，還是請(qǐng)個(gè)提供一對(duì)一服務(wù)的保姆,？

這是某同學(xué)作文第一段：

A great many parents are confronting quite time-consuming situation-spend time with their children together while establishing their own career path. In order to concentrate on promotion in companies and provide kids with enough financial support, parents choose to pay for child-care service, which triggers a hot debate: send children to child-care center or individual caregiver? As the way I see, childcare center offer a wonderful opportunity for children to cultivate a sense of independence and a capability of networking.

這段文字是很典型的中國(guó)同學(xué)作文段子，底子不錯(cuò),，但是很多地方欠火候,，比如：語(yǔ)法問(wèn)題、用詞不準(zhǔn)確問(wèn)題,、中式英語(yǔ)問(wèn)題,、前后銜接問(wèn)題、表達(dá)啰嗦冗長(zhǎng)問(wèn)題...

逐一進(jìn)行修改：

Nowadays, A a great many parents are confronting quite time-consuming situation- have to spend time look after their young children, which can be very time-consuming. together while establishing their own career path. In order to fix the vexing problem for those parents, organizations that offer childcare service have emerged one after another. concentrate on promotion in companies and provide kids with enough financial support, parents choose to pay for child-care service, which trigger But it seems to put parents in another dilemma a hot debate: to send children to child-care center or individual caregiver? As The way I see it, a childcare center is a better choice. My reasons and examples are as follows. offer a wonderful opportunity for children to cultivate a sense of independence and a capability of networking.開(kāi)頭段只給觀點(diǎn),，不要加講理由。

整理出新的版本：

Nowadays, a great many parents have to look after their young children, which can be very time-consuming. In order to fix the vexing problem for those parents, organizations that offer childcare service have emerged one after another. But it seems to put parents in another dilemma: to send children to a child-care center or to hire an individual caregiver? The way I see, a childcare center is a better choice. My reasons and examples are as follows.

[譯文] 現(xiàn)如今,，很多家長(zhǎng)要陪伴自己年幼的孩子,，這是一件非常耗時(shí)間的事情。為了幫助家長(zhǎng)們解決這個(gè)煩惱,，一些提供“托兒”服務(wù)的機(jī)構(gòu)如雨后春筍般應(yīng)運(yùn)而生,。但這似乎又讓家長(zhǎng)進(jìn)入了另一個(gè)兩難境地，把孩子送進(jìn)托兒中心,，還是請(qǐng)一個(gè)一對(duì)一的保姆,？依我看，托兒中心應(yīng)該是一個(gè)更好的選擇,。我的觀點(diǎn)和理由如下,。

對(duì)比原文，有木有一種脫胎換骨的趕腳,？??

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