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作者：納撒尼爾·布蘭登（Nathaniel Branden） 翻譯：丁楠
本文由白大衛(wèi)老師真誠(chéng)推薦,，轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
Nurturing Self-Esteem in Young PeopleOne of the simplest applications of living consciously and being self-responsible is being conscious of — and taking responsibility for — the words coming out of one’s mouth. If adults did so, they would not be so prone to make the kind of statements that can devastate a young person’s self-esteem. “What’s the matter with you? Can’t you do anything right?” When I hear adults talking to a child abusively, I inquire, “What is your purpose? Have you found that insulting a child’s intelligence raises the level of performance?” I ask teachers: “Have you found ridicule to be an effective tool for facilitating learning?” Pay attention to outcome!
要有意識(shí)地對(duì)生活、對(duì)自己負(fù)起責(zé)任,，最簡(jiǎn)單的方法是對(duì)我們說(shuō)出口的話——有意識(shí)——并且負(fù)起責(zé)任。如果成年人是這樣做的,，他們將不會(huì)喜歡說(shuō)出一些能夠摧毀一個(gè)年輕人的自尊感的話,。“你怎么了,？你就不能把什么事情做對(duì)嗎,？”當(dāng)我聽(tīng)到成年人這樣辱罵孩子時(shí)，我想知道：“你的目的是什么,？你認(rèn)為侮辱一個(gè)孩子的智商就能讓他表現(xiàn)得更好嗎,？”我問(wèn)老師：“你認(rèn)為嘲笑是促進(jìn)學(xué)習(xí)的有效工具嗎？”要關(guān)注結(jié)果,！
Or, a lesson in self-acceptance: Five-year-old Jennie bursts into the room and screams, “I hate my brother!” Mother number one says, “What a terrible thing to say! You don’t mean it! You can’t hate him! He’s your brother!” What is she teaching? Self-alienation and self-doubt. Mother number two says, “Wow! You’re really feeling mad at your brother right now!. Want to tell me about it, sweetheart? “What is she teaching? Self-acceptance and the non-catastrophizing of negative emotions (Branden, 1987).
或者,，一個(gè)自我接納的教訓(xùn)：五歲的杰尼沖進(jìn)房間大喊道：“我討厭我的哥哥！”一號(hào)媽媽說(shuō)：“怎么能這樣說(shuō)呢,！你不是故意的吧,！你不可以討厭他！他是你的哥哥,！”她在教孩子什么呢,？自我隔離和自我懷疑。二號(hào)母親說(shuō)：“噢,！你現(xiàn)在真的對(duì)你的哥哥很生氣,！想要和我說(shuō)說(shuō)嗎，寶貝,？”這位媽媽在教孩子什么,？自我接納和不把消極情緒小題大做。（布蘭登，1987）
Clearly, parents and teachers can make it easier or harder for a young person to develop self-esteem. They can make it easier or harder for a young person to learn the six practices and make them an integral part of his or hr life. However, they cannot inspire these practices in young people if they do not manifest them in their own behavior. In this area, modeling is essential to effective teaching. According to Stanley Coopersmith’s landmark study of the family origins of self-esteem, the parents of children with high self-esteem tend to have high self-esteem themselves (Coopersmith, 1967).
很明顯,，父母和老師可以讓一個(gè)年輕人更容易,、或更困難。他們可以決定一個(gè)年輕人是否可以更輕松地學(xué)習(xí)六個(gè)培養(yǎng)自尊感的練習(xí),，并讓這些練習(xí)成為人生的主要部分,。然而，如果他們不以身作則,，就無(wú)法激勵(lì)年輕人來(lái)進(jìn)行這些自尊感的練習(xí),。在這個(gè)領(lǐng)域中，做榜樣對(duì)有效的教育是十分必要的,。根據(jù)斯坦利·庫(kù)珀史密斯（Stanley Coopersmith）關(guān)于自尊的家族起源的里程碑式的研究,，自尊感較強(qiáng)的孩子，他們的父母也傾向于有較高的自尊感（庫(kù)珀史密斯,，1967）,。
The six practices provide a standard for assessing parental and teaching policies. Do these policies encourage or discourage consciousness, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposefulness, and integrity? Do they raise or lower the probability that a young person will learn self-esteem-supporting behaviors?
這六個(gè)練習(xí)為評(píng)估為人父母和教育的策略。這些策略是鼓勵(lì)了覺(jué)知,、自我接納,、自我負(fù)責(zé)、自我主張,、目標(biāo)感,、正直,，還是起到了相反的作用,？他們是否提高了一個(gè)年輕人能學(xué)習(xí)自尊式支持行為的可能性，還是降低了這種可能,？
 覺(jué)知,、自我接納、自我負(fù)責(zé),、自我主張,、目標(biāo)感、正直The issue of what supports – or subverts – self-esteem is present virtually from the beginning of life. A child has no more basic requirement, a far as parental behaviour is concerned, then that of safety and security. This entails the satisfaction of physiological needs, protection from the elements, and basic caretaking in all its obvious respects. It entails the creation of an environment in which the child can feel nurtured and safe.
關(guān)于什么行為是在支持——或者破壞——自尊,，事實(shí)上在人生的一開(kāi)始就顯現(xiàn)了,。只要父母在關(guān)心孩子，孩子就不會(huì)有基本要求之外的要求,，而只需要安全和安全感,。這包括對(duì)身體需求的滿足，基本的保護(hù),，在顯而易見(jiàn)的一些方面基礎(chǔ)的照顧,；它也包括去創(chuàng)造一個(gè)令孩子感到受呵護(hù)的、安全的環(huán)境。
In this context, the process of separation and individuation can unfold (Mahler, Pine, and Bergman, 1975). A mind that can later learn to trust itself can begin to emerge. A person with a confident sense of boundaries can develop.
在這種情況下,，分離和個(gè)體化的過(guò)程就可以展開(kāi)了,。（Mahler, Pine, and Bergman, 1975）一種之后能夠?qū)W習(xí)信任自己的意識(shí)，便開(kāi)始萌生了,。一個(gè)自信地懷著疆界感的個(gè)人便得以發(fā)展,。
Today we know that touch is essential for a child’s healthy development. Through touch we send sensory stimulation that helps the infant’s brain to develop. Through touch we convey love, caring, comfort, support, and nurturing.
今天我們知道，撫摸對(duì)一個(gè)孩子的健康發(fā)展是必須的,。通過(guò)撫摸,，我們傳遞了有助于嬰兒大腦發(fā)展的感官刺激。通過(guò)撫摸,，我們傳遞了愛(ài),、關(guān)心、舒適,、支持,、哺育。
As the process of growth continues, a child who is treated with love tends to internalize the feeling and to experience him or herself as lovable. Love is conveyed by verbal expression, nurturing actions, and the pleasure and joy parents show in the sheer fact of the child’s being.
隨著成長(zhǎng)的過(guò)程在繼續(xù),，一個(gè)在愛(ài)中長(zhǎng)大的孩子傾向于內(nèi)化,、自己體驗(yàn)這種被愛(ài)的感受。通過(guò)語(yǔ)言的表達(dá),、哺育的行動(dòng),、以及父母對(duì)孩子的存在所表現(xiàn)出的快樂(lè)和喜悅，愛(ài)就得到了傳遞,。
An effective parent can convey anger or disappointment without signalling withdrawal of love — and can teach without resorting to rejection, humiliating behaviour, or physical or emotional abuse, all of which can damage a child’s fragile sense of self.
一個(gè)有效率的家長(zhǎng)可以傳遞憤怒或失望,，而不用發(fā)出“撤回愛(ài)”的信號(hào)——并且不必借助于拒絕、羞辱性的行為,、身體或情感的虐待等等所有這些會(huì)摧毀一個(gè)孩子脆弱的自我感的行為,。
A child whose thoughts and feelings are treated with acceptance tends to internalize the response and to learn self-acceptance. Acceptance is conveyed, not necessarily by agreement, which is not always possible, but by listening to and acknowledging the child’s thoughts and feelings, and by not chastising, arguing, lecturing, psychologizing, or insulting.
一個(gè)想法和感受被接納的孩子，趨于內(nèi)化這種回應(yīng),，并學(xué)習(xí)自我接納,。接納的表達(dá)，并不一定是通過(guò)協(xié)定,，當(dāng)然這也不總是可行的,，而是通過(guò)傾聽(tīng)和認(rèn)可孩子的想法與感受，并且不是通過(guò)懲罰,、爭(zhēng)論,、說(shuō)教、心理分析,、侮辱來(lái)傳達(dá)的,。
A child who is treated with respect tends to learn self-respect. Stated simply, respect is conveyed by addressing the child with the same good-mannered courtesy one normally extends to adults. A home – or a classroom – in which people talk to one another with benevolent respect is an environment that supports self-esteem.
一個(gè)被待之以尊重的孩子趨于學(xué)會(huì)自我尊重,。簡(jiǎn)單地說(shuō)，對(duì)待孩子的禮節(jié),，要用像一般對(duì)待成人的良好禮貌一樣,，這樣尊重便得以表達(dá)。一個(gè)家庭——或者教室——如果人們的彼此交談,，帶著仁慈的尊敬,，那么這就是一個(gè)鼓勵(lì)自尊感的環(huán)境。
When praise is in order, convey appreciation of behaviour, and do so realistically. Do not make extravagant, global statements about the child’s intelligence or ability — because they make the child feel anxious and unseen. When criticism of behaviour is necessary, do so respectfully, with regard for the dignity of the recipient. Do not indulge in character assassination (Ginott, 1972).
在該表?yè)P(yáng)的時(shí)候,，就表達(dá)對(duì)行為的贊賞,，并且要逼真地這樣做。不要對(duì)孩子的智商或能力做出夸張,、小題大做的言論——因?yàn)檫@會(huì)讓孩子感到不安,，或沒(méi)有被看到。當(dāng)批評(píng)的行為是必要的,，就帶著尊重去批評(píng),，要關(guān)心被批評(píng)者的尊嚴(yán)。不要沉迷于人格誹謗（Ginott, 1972）,。
When parents express their pleasure in and appreciation of a child’s questions or observations or thoughtfulness, they are encouraging the exercise of consciousness or mindfulness. When they respond positively and respectfully to a child’s efforts at self-expression, or invite such self-expression, they encourage self-assertiveness. When they acknowledge and show appreciation for a child’s truthfulness, they encourage integrity. In short, catch a child doing something right and convey pleasure and appreciation at the sight of it.
當(dāng)父母表達(dá)他們的愉悅,，以及在欣賞孩子的問(wèn)題、觀察或周到時(shí),，便是在鼓勵(lì)意識(shí)或正念的練習(xí),。當(dāng)家長(zhǎng)積極地、帶著尊重地回應(yīng)孩子自我表達(dá)的努力時(shí),，或者在邀請(qǐng)這樣的自我表達(dá)時(shí),，他們就是在鼓勵(lì)孩子的自我肯定。當(dāng)他們對(duì)孩子的真誠(chéng)坦率表達(dá)出認(rèn)同和欣賞時(shí),，就是在鼓勵(lì)正直,。簡(jiǎn)言之,，當(dāng)一個(gè)孩子做對(duì)了某件事情時(shí),，抓住時(shí)機(jī)，一旦看到就表達(dá)出你的喜悅和欣賞,。
點(diǎn)擊閱讀原文即可查看： 近期課程預(yù)告 白大衛(wèi)心靈成長(zhǎng)課程 遇見(jiàn)真我 7月16日-19日·北京
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