如今,，我們要為不尋常的個性風(fēng)格的狹窄范圍騰出空位,。我們被告知,，要好就要夠大膽,，要快樂就要會社交。我們視自己是一個性格外向的國家——這意味這我們丟掉了真實模樣,。根據(jù)研究,，有三分之一到一半的美國人都是性格外向者，換句話說,，你了解的每兩到三個人中就有一個,。（鑒于美國在最外向的國家中，數(shù)字起碼要比世界其他的地方要高,。）如果你本人不內(nèi)向向,，那么你肯定被一個內(nèi)向的人撫養(yǎng)、監(jiān)護或者和一個內(nèi)向的人結(jié)婚或者結(jié)合在一起,。    

    如果這個統(tǒng)計數(shù)據(jù)讓你吃了一驚,，那么可能是因為太多的人假裝性格外向,。私下的內(nèi)向會在操場上、在高中衣帽間和美國公司的走廊里傳遞,。有些人甚至欺騙他們自己,，知道一些生活事件——臨時解雇、空巢,、一筆讓他們按自己喜好自由使用時間的遺產(chǎn)——震蕩了他們,，使其重新審視自己的真實本質(zhì)。你只要將這本書的主題和你的朋友和熟人提及,，去找找那些最不可能認為自己是性格內(nèi)向的人,。
    這就能明白，為什么那么多內(nèi)向者隱藏自己了,，甚至對自己也是,。我們生活在一個我稱為外向理想的價值體系中，理想自我是群居,、占統(tǒng)治地位而且在聚光燈下很舒服的信仰無所不在,。原型外向者更喜歡行動而不是沉思，更喜歡冒險而不是留心,，更喜歡確定而不是懷疑,。他喜歡快速的決定，甘冒犯錯的危險,。在團隊中她表現(xiàn)良好,，善于交際。我們常常認為,，我們重視個人主義,，但是卻常常只是欣賞一種類型的人——那種“將自己擺出來”也很舒服的人。當(dāng)然,，我們允許技術(shù)天才獨行者將自己的公司開在車庫里,，也允許他們擁有他們喜歡的任一性格，但是他們是例外,，不是規(guī)律,，我們也容忍那些富甲一方或者堅持信念如此做的人。
    內(nèi)向——常常伴著它的表親：敏感,、認真和羞怯——現(xiàn)在就處于二等人格特質(zhì),，介于失望和病之間。性格內(nèi)向的人活在性格外向的理想型下,，就像女人活在男人的世界里一樣不受到重視,，因為那是一個反映他們是誰的核心問題。外向性是一種非常吸引人的性格類型，但是我們已將其變成了沉重的標準,，我們很多人覺得我們必須要順從,。
    外向型理想在很多的研究里有刊載，但是這類調(diào)查從未歸組在同一個名類之下,。例如,，健談的人就被認為更聰明、更有模有樣,，更有風(fēng)趣以及更想與其成為朋友,。話語的速度和音量也在考慮之內(nèi)：我們將語速快者列為更能干和更討人喜歡的一類，而慢的就不是這樣,。這種同樣的現(xiàn)象也適用于群體里面,，研究表明，愛說話的比沉默不語的被認為更聰明——即使能說會道和好想法之間沒有任何相關(guān)性,。甚至連“內(nèi)向”這個詞也被污名化了——一項由心理學(xué)家勞力·海爾即做的非正式的研究里,，發(fā)現(xiàn)內(nèi)向者能用生動的語言描述自己的外表（“藍綠眼睛”、“異國風(fēng)情”,、“高顴骨”）,，但是被問到描述普通的內(nèi)向者的時候，他們描畫了一幅平淡無奇乏味的圖片（“笨拙的”,、“中性色”、“皮膚問題”）,。
    我們在不假思索地接受外向理想型的時候犯了一個大錯,。我們的一些偉大的想法、藝術(shù)和發(fā)明——從進化論觀點到梵高的向日葵到個人電腦——都來自于安靜和用腦的人,，他們知道如何協(xié)調(diào)自己內(nèi)心世界,，以及讓自己的珍寶被人們發(fā)現(xiàn)。  

Today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We're told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts -- which means that we've lost sight of who we really are. Depending on which study you consult, one-third to one-half of Americans are introverts -- in other words, one out of every two or three people you know. (Given that the United States is among the most extroverted of nations, the number must be at least as high in other parts of the world.) If you're not an introvert yourself, you are surely raising, managing, married to, or coupled with one.

 If these statistics surprise you, that's probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts. Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America. Some fool even themselves, until some life event -- a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance that frees them to spend time as they like -- jolts them into taking stock of their true natures. You have only to raise the subject of this book with your friends and acquaintances to find that the most unlikely people consider themselves introverts.

It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal -- the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk- taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual -- the kind who's comfortable "putting himself out there." Sure, we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those who get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so.

Introversion -- along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness -- is now a second- class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.

The Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarter, better- looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. The same dynamics apply in groups, where research shows that the voluble are considered smarter than the reticent -- even though there's zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas. Even the word introvert is stigmatized -- one informal study, by psychologist Laurie Helgoe, found that introverts described their own physical appearance in vivid language ( "green-blue eyes," "exotic," "high cheekbones"), but when asked to describe generic introverts they drew a bland and distasteful picture ("ungainly," "neutral colors," "skin problems").

But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly. Some of our greatest ideas, art, and inventions -- from the theory of evolution to van Gogh's sunflowers to the personal computer -- came from quiet and cerebral people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasures to be found there.

Copyright 2012 by Susan Cain. From the book QUIET: The Power Of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, published by Crown, a division of Random House, Inc. Reprinted with permission.