說話有分寸、有教養(yǎng)不等于花言巧語,、拍馬屁,。在美國，你就是個職位較高的雇員, 對手下的人也要注意講話的方式和措辭,。沒有人天生“會講話”（講話得體）,，“會講話”是培養(yǎng)出來的。

會講話的人別人也喜歡跟你聊天,、交往,，當(dāng)這不是說你非得處處奉迎或說違心話。會講話的人不是隨便妥協(xié)的人,；會講話的人常常不卑不亢，而且又不唐突,；會講話的人不是要耍嘴皮子,、圓滑溜須，而是大方坦誠,、善解人意......

說母語是這樣,，說外語就更得學(xué)習(xí)和觀察了。工作中或找工作時，講話是否得體甚至能影響到一個人的職業(yè)命運,。

What Not to Say About Someone's Appearance

Don’t say: “You look tired.”
Why: It implies she doesn’t look good.
Instead say: “Is everything OK?” We often blurt the “tired” comment when we get the sense that the other person feels out of sorts. So just ask.

Don’t say: “Wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight!”
Why: To a newly trim person, it might give the impression that she used to look unattractive.
Instead say: “You look fantastic.” And leave it at that. If you’re curious about how she got so svelte, add, “What’s your secret?”

Don’t say: “You look good for your age.”
Why: Anything with a caveat like this is rude. It's saying, "You look great―compared with other old people. It's amazing you have all your own teeth."
Instead say: “You look great.”

Don’t say: “I could never wear that.”
Why: It can be misunderstood as a criticism. (“I could never wear that because it’s so ugly.”)
Instead say: “You look so good in skinny jeans.” If you slip, say something like “I could never wear that…because I wasn’t blessed with your long legs.”

Expert: Clinton Kelly

What Not to Say in the Workplace

Don’t say: “That’s not my job.”
Why: If your superior asks you to do something, it is your job.
Instead say: “I’m not sure that should be my priority right now.” Then have a conversation with your boss about your responsibilities.

Don’t say: “This might sound stupid, but…”
Why: Never undermine your ideas by prefacing your remarks with wishy-washy language.
Instead say: What’s on your mind. It reinforces your credibility to present your ideas with confidence.

Don’t say: “I don’t have time to talk to you.”
Why: It’s plain rude, in person or on the phone.
Instead say: “I’m just finishing something up right now. Can I come by when I’m done?” Graciously explain why you can’t talk now, and suggest catching up at an appointed time later. Let phone calls go to voice mail until you can give callers your undivided attention.

Expert: Suzanne Bates, president and chief executive officer of Bates Communications, an executive-training firm in Wellesley, Massachusetts

What Not to Say During a Job Interview

Don’t say: “My current boss is horrendous.”
Why: It’s unprofessional. Your interviewer might wonder when you’d start bad-mouthing her. For all you know, she and your current boss are old pals.
Instead say: “I’m ready for a new challenge” or a similarly positive remark.

Don’t say: “Do you think I’d fit in here?”
Why: You’re the interviewee, not the interviewer.
Instead say: “What do you enjoy about working here?” By all means ask questions, but prepare ones that demonstrate your genuine interest in the company.

Don’t say: “What are the hours like?” or “What’s the vacation policy?”
Why: You want to be seen as someone who focuses on getting the job done.
Instead say: “What’s the day-to-day like here?” Then, if you’ve really jumped through every hoop and time off still hasn’t been mentioned, say, “Can you tell me about the compensation and benefits package?”

Expert: Mary Mitchell, president of the Mitchell Organization, a corporate-etiquette training firm in Seattle